My first wedding anniversary was a great lesson in gift giving. I racked my brain for ideas of a great gift to commemorate what I still consider to be the greatest event of my life. I ran some Google searches and discovered that a clock is somehow a symbolic gift for first anniversaries. So, I took a train from work to Macy’s and picked out a nice watch for my wife. The great thing about first anniversaries is that you have the rest of your life to learn from your early mistakes, and this gift while very much appreciated failed to show any real thought. How did I know, because I saw my wifes gift and it had personal love and care written all over it. My gift came from a google search and wasn’t personal at all. It’s the thought that counts when giving gifts, and that gift was for all practical purposes thoughtless. Not to say I didn’t put thought into an idea, but that I was thinking about the wrong things.
Like Conrad Hilton discusses in his biography about how his mother cherished his gift to her, but never wore it. It was the thought she cherished, but the gift was what he wanted to give, not what was right for her.
If You Are Asking Yourself What Gift Your Loved One Would Appreciate, You Are Asking The Wrong Question.
You see, if you really examine that question, you are really asking, what gift would get me a reaction of appreciation from the recipient, which is really you thinking about yourself, and not what the other person wants or needs. When we shop for gifts, we almost always play out a fantasy in our minds of the persons reaction to our gift, and the measurement we use to decide to buy a gift or not is, “She/He Will Love It.” Translation: She/He will love me for giving it. We now understand what we want out of the gift giving process, but if you had experiences like my first anniversary, you probably have heard the words, “Well, It’s the thought that counts.” Not a great feeling to hear that and if you were anticipating a more positive reaction, the gift giving experience can fall short of your expectations and be quite disappointing. Here’s the thing…
If It’s The Thought That Counts…Why Not Make Sure The Thought Really COUNTS!!!
So, now we know your goal for giving a gift is for it to received and appreciated gratefully. We also know that the best way to accomplish this is to stop thinking about what the other person would appreciate, because we already know what they appreciate. They appreciate the thought put into the gift. What does this mean? When you get a gift from someone, no matter what the actual gift is, it creates a narrative, and if the narrative says, “Hey, I have been thinking about you. I have been listening to you, and paid attention to the little details that matter to you. I APPRECIATE YOU. I care about you, and am thinking of ways to make your life better…Here Is a Little Token Of My Appreciation For Being There For Me, and Here Is A a Little Something that I thought you would enjoy because you always talk about XYZ, so I thought this gift would be appropriate.
Really, The questions you should be asking yourself is… What has been bothering Him/Her lately. What have they been talking to me about. What have they expressed interest in. Have they dropped hints in my day to day life that are a clue to what the perfect gift would be?
I know What You Are Thinking… I Spend Hours Thinking and I Just Can’t Come Up With The Perfect Gift… The Mistake You Are Making Is Spending Time Thinking About Gift Ideas. You Need To Spend Time Thinking About Them, Not The Gift!!!
Odds are, you already know the perfect gift in your subconscious, but as we know we never can remember something when we are trying to think of it. What you need to do is an age old trick for bringing things to the forefront of your mind from your subconscious.
The gift they want is your thought, appreciation and care. So, spend time thinking about them, thinking about all the things you appreciate about them.
Forget The Gift. What They Want is The Thought, and Appreciation… So Give Them That… Spend Time Thinking About Them, And All You Appreciate About Them, and The Perfect Gift Idea Will Pop Into Your Head.
One of the best strategies for bringing thoughts you feel to the forefront of your mind is to think about it before you go to sleep. When Napolean Hill had to come up with a name for his book before the morning came around or his publisher would call it, “Use Your Noodle And Get The Boodle.” Hill went to sleep thinking about this problem He woke up with the Home Run name that Sold Tens of Millions of Books, “Think And Grow Rich.”
So, if you are at a loss for the prefect gift… here is my formula that I can assure you will work… Spend 5-10 minutes before falling asleep thinking about the person you love, all that you appreciate about them, and what you can do to make their life a little better. To bring some joy into their lives. By the time you wake up you will not only have the perfect gift idea pop into your head, you also have the perfect gift card,” You know, the other night before I went to sleep I was thinking about you and how you always do XYZ for me. It;s really great having a friend like you, and I slept like a baby knowing how much better my life is with you in it… so I decided to buy you this BLANK to show my appreciation. (Odds Are, With A Card Like This, You Won’t Even Need A Gift… BECAUSE THE THOUGHT IS WHAT COUNTS, AND YOU NAILED IT!!!
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That’s why I start actually listening to what my wife is saying when holiday season comes around 🙂
I like the addition of a really solid gift card. when I got engaged I typed a 3 page letter, bought one of those HUGE print cards from hallmark and glued my letter into the inside of the card. Though there was a diamond ring and the present of a Piano as part of my engagement plan, what caught her attention most was the card, as you said after all most of my time and thought went into the card, not buying the piano or the diamond.
This is also a huge sigh of relief and inspiring message to those without money. One year I was flat broke and my anniversary came along, being creative I brainstormed, and sought out 3 of my wifes favorite authors and attempted to get in touch with them asking if they would read my wife’s book and or even mentor her etc… only one responded, and while she said “I don’t read anyones material, it’s a rule of mine.” I can send mail you my newest book inscribed to her. (she did it on the house)
Little did I know that the book also came with a hand written letter from the author with words of encouragement saying she was a graceful writer (she read her blog). My wife couldnt believe she got a hand written letter from this big author and was in tears and said it was the best present she’s ever gotten! It cost me a bit of creative thought, being attentive to what is meaningful to her and a few emails. (Woman like to be romanced – romancing a woman is never how much you spend but how much care and time went into it.)
I implore all parents without much money for their children to get creative and do something special, thoughtful and meaningful for your children. Growing up in a lower financial bracket my parents bought presents within their means and often I would feel bad even drawing tears when I listened to other children talk about their multitude of expensive gifts. Children are more superficial even selfish but they also sense when something is done with true care…be creative!
This think before sleep method I have seen before as a tool to apply to all situations to call upon a deeper wisdom within. As a hypnotist I can now make sense of it. When you try to remember something you can’t remember it, the forceful pressure is in the conscious analytical mind and not accessing the subconscious where the memories are stored. Similarly, thinking about how to solve a problem is in the conscious, the creativity to connect the dots to create a solution comes from the subconscious. When we sleep we dream – dreams make sense when we’re dreaming rarely afterwards, the dreaming mind has the ability to connect dots and make anything a reality. This method taps into that powerful state. As people will often have their best ideas in the shower, or driving on the highway or anything that relaxes you into this state of mind.
Another method would be to ask yourself the question directly multiple times in a row. Be specific, “What gift would prove to be most caring and thoughtful for NAME?, What do they really care about?” – and repeat the question over and over about 15 times really hearing the question without putting any effort into “thinking”, just listening to the question again. Then, close your eyes, lean back and relax…let it flow.
David, I have read some of your other posts but it’s dangerous for me to begin commenting because this is what happens, like our conversations. We’re too similar a breed 🙂
PS….there’s a new idea co-blogging – choose a topic, start and each author contributes. Hmmm, uh oh are you going to respond to all this now.
This is such a good post for me to have read, given the fact that Christmas is edging closer by the second. It was my friend’s birthday yesterday and I actually did quite good with her present, just as she did with mine in July. She’s my best friend and I don’t have a problem because we have such similar personalities… but everyone else? Well, lets just say that I’ve had some botches recently. Less than a month ago it was my mum’s birthday and with no money I was pulling at strings and ended up giving her a shirt that I re-gifted from my Aunt. Would have been okay if she didn’t find that out, and it kind of ruined the present for her. And then there was the time my boyfriend wanted to do Christmas presents (before he was my boyfriend), and I got so lost about what to get him so I ended up burning him a CD last minute of songs I liked while he got me something pertaining exactly to my interests. Part of the problems with these was that I waited until the last minute, but it wouldn’t have been an issue if I’d really sat down for a moment and just thought about them and not their present. So, I’m ridiculously grateful for reading this post because, again, Christmas is coming.
I seriously have the exact same problem with presents in general, not just Christmas. I have no trouble grabbing stuff for my best mate but my ideas for everyone else end up falling flat a lot. Feel like I should try this strategy, though I feel kind of sad that I actually need a strategy in the first place.
Ah don’t feel bad about needing a strategy, because it actually does help. I went shopping earlier today and got a present for my mum that is probably ten times better than how I botched it last month with her birthday present. Good luck 🙂
Hey David, how are you going with all your shopping for Christmas this year? It’s coming up soon 😀
I’m glad this story helped. I am not doing much shopping this holiday season other than a nice gift for my wife.
Hi Ethan, thanks for stopping by and commenting. The best gifts are the ones right under nose. People drop hints all the time an it just takes some listening to really come up with the perfect gift.